The Pain Behind Suicide

This morning I read the blog post of “Chronic Pain and Suicide,” and realized that both chronic pain and emotional pain can be equally devastatingly painful.

This past October, my beautiful niece decided to end her life. I know the emotional pain she was experiencing at that time caused her to be desperate to “get away from the pain.” This is what caused her to make the decision which she did.

I know this because I have been there. I know that horrible crushing and all consuming pain that severe depression can cause. I know that desperate feeling that you simply cannot bear the pain anymore.

I know what helped me through my extremely painful times was the love and support of a caring family member, my brother. I thank God for him every day.

With my niece, Allison, I did not know all the emotional stress she was under until after her death. What I did know however, is that there was an influence in her life that was extremely stressful. I did tell several family members that if this influence didn't change, she would kill herself. They didn't believe me. She lived in another state and I heard no more about her after that. I truly regret not doing more. “If only….”

I hope we all will familarize ourselves with the signs of depression and how we can help people in this state. I hope we will all be loving and caring support to the depressed person in our lives; whether they are depressed from emotional or from physical pain. I hope we don't say, “Oh, he/she isn't in my family, so I won't get involved.” Please; if you see someone suffering, get involved. Let someone know and then later, follow up. Don't drop the ball like I did.

No matter what type of pain we are in, emotional pain or physical pain, we need the love and support of others. We don't need harsh judgement, we need love, acceptance, and understanding.

Would any of us of have chosen to be in so much pain? No, of course not. But I can assure you, what we do want and need is the love and understanding from others. We need for someone to reach out their hand and say, “I will help you through this. It IS going to be okay.”

Suicide is not somewhere far away. Suicide is right inside our own homes, our own neighborhoods, our own cities and the suicide rate keeps growing and the suicidal age keeps dropping.

We are all very much needed in more ways than we may know.

(Picture is borrowed from Pinterest).



21 thoughts on “The Pain Behind Suicide

  1. Sadly, you could not have done more than you did. Those suffering from depression do not make a conscious decision in the same way as those who not have a mental illness make decisions. You may have given her more love, more logic, more time, yet she may still have been unable to climb out of the dark prison of captivity depression constructs.

    I’m so sorry for your deep and profound loss, and the loss experienced by her parents. It remains a lingering grief that is understood by few. I agree that we still must reach out, yet we can never blame ourselves for not doing enough. It is this tragically insufficiently understood disease which ultimately is at fault.

  2. I agree with Susan that there was nothing you could have done. Especially being so far away. It was not your fault whatsoever. When you are finally pushed over that ledge, that’s it unless extreme measures are taken such as going inpatient where you’re supervised 24/7. Thank you for the recognition on here. I appreciate it. Oh, and sorry to tell you, but the image didn’t show up. Try saving the image to your computer and when you hit the add media button, it will give you the option to add to your media collection. Upload the image and again press the add media button. It should show up that way. Oh, and don’t forget to click where on the post you would like for it to go before hitting the add media on your dashboard.

  3. Suicide is the end result of the terminal disease called mental illness…which many names appear under that umbrella i.e. clinical depression, bi-polar, etc…Sadly, many times people do not get the proper diagnosis. I hate that your have lost your niece. I know the tragic heartache that follows a person because of my son’s passing. It is devastating and many of us are caught off guard when a loved one dies this way so we have to learn all about the disease instead of sinking into the abyss of archaic preconceptions. Stigma is a very bad thing to overcome…it is what perpetuates the unfounded feelings of guilt that survivors assume. I know because I struggle each day when something new enters my mind about what I could have done or how I could have saved my son. It is like a deadly cancer that will eat at your own sanity…much like mental illness. Grief is a harsh bedfellow. I do hope you will read all you can and learn all you can so you will know that in reality there was probably nothing you could have done.

    Your blog is looking great. God bless….xo

    • I truly appreciate your comment. Everything you wrote here is absolutely correct. I doubt I could have had much influence in her decision, she was mentally ill and had too much stress on top of that. Even though I probably could not have stopped it, I still wish for the chance to have at least tried (more than what I did).


  4. There will always be regrets. But we can’t redo the past. We can only learn from it.

    The events that we return to again and again in our minds are the ones that made the biggest impression on us. Those are the ones that we can learn the most from. And they’re usually either very beautiful events or very painful events.

    You can beat yourself up over and over again about what you didn’t do. But you did do more than most would have done. You put family members on notice. They didn’t believe you at the time. But now they will always have to reflect on the fact that someone warned them, and they didn’t take it seriously. So they may be more receptive in the future. It’s a very painful lesson to learn.

    When I’ve done or failed to do something that had hurtful results, my effort is to recognize that perhaps I could have done better, but also to recognize that I’m not God. For me, that has two meanings. One is that I’ll never be perfect. I’ll always fall short in one way or another, and I simply have to accept that, move on, and see the times I fall short as opportunities to learn (the hard way). The other is that whatever I may have done or not done, God is in control of the world, not me. God will take any evil that happens and wring the most possible good out of it. And God is caring for each person involved, including the ones who have been injured or have died.

    Your niece is now in the hands of God. So are all the children whom this dark world has spit out of itself through extreme poverty, neglect, and abuse. So are all those who have suffered and died through events and circumstances beyond their control. It is a mercy that when this world becomes too dark for an innocent person to survive, he or she is moved to a better place, where there is the love, light, and care needed for healing and new life.

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