I am divorced, so if I were to answer this question, I would automatically say, “Not very long.” But that really isn't true. My ex put me through hell and back, but I still have feelings for him. I must, I still dream about him. I rarely ever dream about men, but when I do, it is usually about him, and we have been divorced awhile.
A very wise man, and friend, told me once, “there is a fine line between love and hate.” At that time (right after my divorce) I could not comprehend that. After all, I HATED HIM! After what he put me through, I truly felt like I hated him. Yet, as time went by and all my bruises (not literally) and my “broken into a billion pieces” heart healed, I realized there truly is a fine line between love and hate. I do still love him. Not in the same way as I did when we were married, but it still is love. It is just a different type of love, but love, nonetheless.
After my divorce, I had to literally question the biblical definition of love. After all, HOW CAN ANY HUMAN BEING LOVE LIKE THAT? (I certainly didn't). I was much too young and immature. I didn't even know the difference between love and lust.
Love never ends, it simply “changes”. Yes, I know some of you are going rebuke this, but I think that years from now, you will agree with me.
New King James Version: 1 Corinthians 13
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in inquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
In other words, love is stronger than concrete. Love never fails. Concrete is pretty strong, but after years of wear, it will fail.
“PERFECT” LOVE NEVER FAILS. NEVER. Incredible.
Perfect love is like a diamond. Consider what a piece of coal has to go through in order to become a diamond. Therefore, according to scriptures, perfect love must be like a diamond.
I cannot say that I have “perfect” love for my ex-husband because I don't. But at least I don't hate him anymore.
When you think you hate someone, remember, “There is a very fine line between love and hate.”
Right now, we are all nothing but lumps of coal, but someday, we will all be beautiful diamonds.
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BEAUTIFUL WORDS 
Beautifully said.
Thank you Suzi. :o)
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🙂
Your heart is healing, PJ. That is a good thing.
Thank you Mark! I have to agree with you 100%. 😀
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I like to think of love as the literal embodiment of God in this world. Replace the word love with God in that part of the Bible, and it still holds true. God is perfect love. It’s interesting because we are called to try and be like God – to love and show love to others – but we are not perfect. I think part of the reason we live is to learn how to truly love. We may never be perfect, but we grow as people by learning about all the different ways love manifests in our lives, and how it changes and thereby changes us.
Thank you for reading and for your comment. I completely agree with your comment.
This was very well said. I believe there is a fine line also, but it is good that your hate faded and a form of love was able to surface in its place. Hate is a hard thing to hold within us. Forgiveness is difficult, but necessary.
Forgiveness certainly is necessary in our own mental health. Thank you for your comment. 🙂
Thanks for expressing your heart.
I am also divorced, and I am remarried. I neither love nor hate my ex-wife. I wish her well, but I want no contact with her after the way she treated me, and never apologized or even admitted she had done anything wrong. Achieving no contact was difficult, since we have children together. But now that the youngest is in his late teens and lives with me and my wife full-time, I have finally achieved it.
I would simply say to you: Whatever your experiences may have been with your ex, whether good or bad, don’t let an ongoing attachment to him hold you back from moving forward into your new life, with all of the new possibilities it holds for you.
That is wonderful you have been able to love again and to have a fulfilled life with another woman. It is true, we must let go and move on with our lives. You said you neither love nor hate your ex-wife and that is “indifference.” But obviously you loved her at one time because you married her and had children with her. Someday, you may find that you do “love” her but not the same kind of love in which you love your current wife. Anyway, that is all I am saying in this post. Thank you very much for reading and commenting. I appreciate that. God bless you!
Hi Priceless Joy,
It’s not exactly indifference. It is a recognition that we had little in common–and that what we did have in common was mostly superficial and external. Marrying her was a foolish mistake of my youth. Sometimes we’re in love with a person we imagine we’re with, and not with the person we’re actually with. Yes, I did feel love for her for many years. However, she did not love me, and my love was misdirected and illusory. Our paths lead in entirely different directions. I don’t expect them to cross again in the future. Sometimes it’s best just to leave past relationships in the past.
I agree with you.
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Beautifully put. No, really, it is. And it’s just what I needed to read at this point.
Thank you Tony! It makes me happy to hear that it was something you needed to read. I hope it lifted your spirits. :o)
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The other day I read a quote by Nelson Mandella, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies”
I too have hated an ex, but it was always beneath a love that still lasts until today. Sometimes I’m unsure whether I hate the ex or the love that still exists.
Oh yes! I understand that feeling very well. I think that once we distance ourselves from the pain, we can view our ex’s in a more positive way that doesn’t destroy us like the negative emotions do. Nelson Mandella was a very wise man. Thank you for reading and for your comment.
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