Finish the Story 1-19-15

They finally made their escape.

“That was a close call mi amor.” Roberto clasped Rosa’s hand and pulled her closer to him.

“Si, I am so glad we were able to get away from him. He would never let me marry you. I just couldn’t tell him I was carryin’ su bebe’. He would kill me.”

Rosa took one hand and placed it on her stomach, “I will be showing before long and could not have kept it a secret any longer.”

“Today is the beginning of our life together mi amor.”

Roberto reached down and picked up the lightest backpack and handed it to Rosa.

When the ‘coyote’s’ jeep pulled over to pick them up, Roberto made sure the money he had been saving was still in his pocket.

“We have a long journey, but first, we must get ourselves across this border.”

“Si, Roberto, first things first.”

~149 words

This is my first attempt at “Monday’s Finish the Story” challenge, hosted by babso2you. The challenge is to write a story with 100-150 words. We are given the first sentence for the story and a photo prompt. If you are interested in joining this challenge please click on this blog:

Monday’s Finish the Story



37 thoughts on “Finish the Story 1-19-15

  1. I just now finished reading yours and you did an EXCELLENT job! This is my first try at this particular challenge and I honestly didn’t know what to do with the first sentence (the one we were given). It seemed to me that it belong at the end! LOL! Keep writing! I saw that Ryan Lanz is following you. He is an author. Are you following him? (I hope) If not, his blog is The Writer’s Path.

  2. Nice first post for Mondays Finish the Story. You’ve given us a lot of backstory, with just a few hints, something hard to do in 150 words. You also leave us hanging, wondering if they will make it. Well done.

    • Thank you very much. I honestly did not know what to do with that first sentence so I left it sort of hanging there (it appeared to me it belonged at the end). Then I saw what the others were doing and I felt stupid. LOL! I wanted to leave the story with them getting in with the coyote (the man that risks a lot by transporting the Mexicans get across the border. They are only in it for the money and couldn’t care less what happens to their passengers. It is with many risks and dangers for them to be putting their lives into his hands (plus take all his savings just for the car ride). In the southwest, this happens daily.

  3. I hope they make it – I’m not sure how much one can trust these “coyotes”. Mind, I watched “Machete” not long ago so I’m probably biased!

    • I agree with you -you CAN’T trust the coyotes. I hear terrible things about them. They get the people over the border then dump them to walk through the desert alone, and a lot of other terrible things.

  4. I like how it suddenly starts with action. It makes you wonder what happened before and you immediately want to know what will happen next. Great job! ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. I am so happy that you joined in to the challenge! I loved your story! (Might want to edit and change Roberta to Roberto – 2nd line.) Well done, and chock full of emotion! Thank you for participating and I hope that you will join in again this coming Monday! Be well Joy! ^..^

  6. Hi Joy, I enjoyed your story very much. The other comments are right in saying you have piqued our interest in the characters which is a great skill to have as we all now ant to know if they do make it across the border and is the baby going to be ok. Well done.

    • Thank you so much. We hear such terrible things about the “coyotes,” those that are suppose to get the people safely across the border. Much of the time they dump them in the desert to fend for themselves and they die of thirst. Very sad.

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