The Romans brutally forced their way into our city that night, killing all who stood in their way, with no respect for life. Homes burned among screams being devoured by massive flames. I heard the beating of horses hooves along with the sounds and smells of the dying. Blood ran thick in the street and the acrid smell of death and thick black smoke suffocated my senses. Chaos ran rabid and hell itself had descended upon my city.
Then I saw her. The tiny little one covered in blood and clinging to the body of her dead mother. I ran toward her, certainly not thinking of my own mortality. I scooped her up and fled from that nightmarish scene. I took her home, to the servants quarters of the palace, and raised her as my own.
She grew into a beautiful woman, kind, good hearted and loving to all. She was fortunate to be unscathed from her past. To my delight, she loved me as though I was her real mother. Little did I know she indeed remembered her mother and twenty-three years later would avenge the Romans for her death. She became a magnificent statue, always to be remembered. (200 words)
The beginning of the story contains powerful sentences.
The words are strong enough to create a whole scene.
I enjoy reading it:)
Thank you so much! I didn’t want to come over with “too much” but also didn’t want to come off with “too little.” Hopefully, I accomplished that.
🙂
In my humble opinion your strength of writing lies in the use of strong and powerful sentences. I like reading such sentences.
May God give you more strength in your writing!
Wow! Very powerful and vivid images. I could picture everything that was written.
Well done!
Thank you Francesca! That makes me so happy!
I love your first paragraph. Your description of that besieged city is really good and includes some well chosen words. You have followed it beautifully with the story of the rescued child who grew to become a warrior (the fearsome Boudica?) who took her revenge on the Romans responsible for her mother’s death. Well written PJ.
Thank you Millie. That makes me feel so happy. 🙂
You are very welcome. I really enjoyed your story. 🙂
(I daren’t start another challenge or my third book will never get written! But this one looks good. 🙂
That is wonderful! Third book? Fabulous!!
Millie, what are the names of your books?
The two books are part of a trilogy and are both on Amazon. The first is called ‘Shadow of the Raven’ and Book 2 is ‘Pit of Vipers’. Book 2 has only recently been published. They are historical fiction, set in the time of Alfred the Great and the Viking invasions of the Anglo Saxon kingdoms.
Thank you for asking, PJ. I really need to get out there and actively promote them – something I’m quite hopeless at!
Thank you Millie for letting me know!!
That’s really good joy
Thank you Cat!
The images of the conquest… searing. A mother’s love… twice. Nicely done.
Thank you Roger. Hopefully, I didn’t overdo it.
Great story! I don’t know why but I pictured the movie 300 lol Great job 😃
Is that the name of the movie, “300?” I have never seen it.
Yes, that’s the name of the movie. It came out in 2006 so I don’t remember much of it except there was war between Persia and Greece. It’s really interesting 😃
I’ve never even heard of it but it sounds interesting.
You should watch it sometime but it’s very gory so just a heads up if you don’t like that type of movie 🙂
No, I can’t do blood and guts.
Me too but I just covered my eyes lol
LOL! I would have to cover my eyes and my ears! haha!
What a story !!!!!!!!! It’s brilliant 🙂 You have some unique ideas,have you tied publishing PJ ? 🙂
Ady, that is sooo sweet! But I am a long way from publishing anything. I am trying to improve in my writing so one day I can write a book. However, that is a long way away.
I don’t know when you will think you are ready,but I dare say you have a new fresh perspectives on stories 😀
I hope that is a good thing. 🙂
Absolutely 😀
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 🙂
oops, tried
No problem!
Great description, Joy. Well done. I could almost hear the battle raging and see the bodies. 🙂 — Suzanne
Thank you Suzanne! I appreciate you reading and for your comment. 🙂
Oh this was fabulous, Joy! Such a descriptive opening scene…and then the saving of the baby avenger daughter. I really enjoyed this one.
Ellespeth
Thank you Ellespeth! I hoped I didn’t “over do” it. Thanks!