Neighbor from Hell

When I purchased my home and property, I had a 6' chain link fence put completely around my property. The reason for this, is I have always wanted a “living fence”. A living fence is when you have plants and vines that cover the fence and make it private and it looks beautiful.

When I did this, I did not even know my next door neighbors. After the fence was erected he let me know he wasn't pleased that I had errected a chain link fence instead of a privacy board fence. Of course, he didn't tell me this until the fence had already been erected and nor did he offer to pay for part of it.

After several years and the ivies had taken hold on the fence, he asked me why I wanted a chain link fence. I told him, “I have always wanted a living fence.” Apparently, this pissed him off and he put weed killer along the line of the fence on his side, which promptly killed all my ivies, roses, and other shrubs.

I expressed my anger to him about what he had done, and oddly, after that my shrubs, bushes and vines started being killed off. It was a very ugly mess and my the taste in my mouth of this person is very very bitter.

I had a beautiful Malmute watchdog and a friend came over to visit and caught him sticking a stick through the fence trying to hit my dog.

His daughters went out in front of my house on the street on July 4, and pointed all their fire works straight over into my yard. My dogs are terrified of fireworks. The next morning, I had to pick out the litter from the fireworks from inside my bushes, off the roof of my house, and every place you can imagine — inside my yard. I was fit to be tied.

When I watered “my fence”or what was left of my plants, their daughter would stand out there water and make fun of my watering skills.

They wouldn't pick up the dog waste from their dogs even though I asked them several time to do so. (They were causing a great deal of flies). They did nothing. I went and bought a nice super duper pooper scooper and put it over the fence to their side. They still wouldn't pick up their dog's waste.

One day he had his pit pull over into his yard and the pit bull climbed over his fence on the other side away from me. (The side that had a solid wood fence). He took that dog and stuck it into my yard. I went over and asked him to remove his dog. He didn't make a single move. I called his wife and told her what he had done and all she did was laugh. I went back over to my yard to try and get the dog out of my yard and the dog started growling at me. I went back over and asked him to come remove the dog, because it was growling at me. He then came over and got the dog out and then just released it to the streets to fend for itself. He literally dumped his dog on the streets.

Since all of this, I have called this family, “My Neighbors from Hell.”

They finally moved away, but they rent out their house. So unfortunately they come over to the house from time to time.

The moral of this story is, regarding the saying, “Fences Make Good Neighbors, in my experience, Fences DO NOT make good neighbors.

Daily Post February 8 Fences

 

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Magical Widget Gadget Thingy

Today, the Daily Post has given us the magical engineering skills to build any widget or gadget that our little brains can think up. (Rubbing my hands together as my brain is clicking, creaking, and squeaking).

I have just invented the ONE AND ONLY POINT AND SHOOT ZAPPER GUN!

You are wondering, I am sure, just what the purpose is of this Zapper Gun. Just wait… it is going to blow you away (and I mean that literally if you are a murderer, predator, pedophile, or terrorist).

This amazing gun will turn the most feared murderer, terrorist, pedophile, predator, bad boy, or meany into a bumbling idiot. Every single bad thought, gene, or tendency in them will be blown away. Zap them just one time with this gun and they will feel the “horrific grip of hell” and be so afraid they will turn into a scared little crying minion with absolutely no more “bad” tendencies. If this zapper gun shoots a law abiding citizen, they will not be able to feel it and absolutely nothing will happen. But, if you shoot one of these low lifes of society, they will feel it. THEY WILL FEEL THE TERRIFYING GRIP OF HELL!

I only have the power to make one of these guns, therefore, I cannot keep it. It is simply too phenomenal to keep to myself. I have given it to the American FBI.

The great news is…NO MORE MURDERERS, NO MORE PREDATORS, NO MORE PEDOPHILES, AND NO MORE PAIN CAUSED BY THESE RUTHLESS LOWLIFES OF SOCIETY. And, get this….they WILL NOT BE STUCK IN OUR AMERICAN PRISON SYSTEMS! What does that mean for you? YOUR TAXES WILL GO DOWN! Isn't that wonderful??

Yes, my friend, you will have more money every month to live on. You will be able to go on those much-needed vacations and cruises you have wanted to go on for so long.

You will have more money to pay bills and buy groceries. You can even go buy a brand new car!

There is only one thing…. This isn't good news if you are one of these lowlifes of society.

 

 

Me Versus Household Tasks

Today's Daily Prompt today: What household tasks do I dislike doing the most? Why? Is it the task or something more?

Housework makes me think of the age old saying, “Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today.”

The first thing I hate doing the most is cleaning the bathrooms. I hate hate hate cleaning the bathrooms. They get done of course. Once I start the task of cleaning them it isn't so bad after all, but I still have a looming dread prior to the task.

The other household tasks, I really don't mind doing and most of the time, I am motivated in doing them. I want my home to be clean and fresh and even more so now that it is on the market.

However, this week for some reason, I have had some lack in motivation. On Monday of this week, I put my furniture polish and rag on top of my old television with the purpose of dusting. Today is Thursday and the polish and rag is still there (and I haven't dusted). This week I am procrastinating.

 

 

 

 

I think it is okay to procrastinate once in a while and give yourself a break. For me, it is like a pat on the back for ever doing housework at all.

It helps me to remind myself, “IT IS OKAY TO GO ONE WEEK WITHOUT DUSTING. IT IS OKAY NOT TO BE PERFECT. IT IS OKAY TO NOT WORRY WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WILL THINK.”

I get wrapped up in, “What if someone comes over and sees dust on my furniture? Or, what if potential buyers come in and see dust on my furniture?”

GUESS WHAT!? THE WORLD WILL NOT END! With that in mind, I think I will simply do blogging today.

Besides, why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?

 

Hee Haw Hee Haw

The Daily Post challenge: Embarrassment.

When I was working for a large company in our area, I was in charge of our yearly “Awards Banquet” for quite a few years. As part of the Awards Banquets there was always an “employee entertainment” where employees put on “skits” (short plays) for the attendees.

In order to put together the Awards Banquet I had to chair an “Awards Banquet Committee.”

One year, several of the people on the Committee came up with the idea to base our skits on “Hee Haw.” Hee Haw was a popular weekly television show in the 1960's-70's. We all agreed this would be our theme for that year. Together, we began writing out our various skits. We had a lot of fun writing the scripts and came up with great ideas.

Everyone on the committe had some type of role in the skits, as well as any other employees that we could “rope” into it.

We all practiced faithfully and came up with some great skits, costumes and props.

Finally, the Awards Banquet night came. We were all excited and of course, very nervous. I was particularly nervous because of having to get up in front of so many people and “act.” I'm not the type of person that enjoys making a fool out of myself, particularly in front of all the supervisors and managers of this company, including the President and Vice Presidents who came down from Headquarters to attend.

One of the last times I had gotten up on stage in front a room full of people was when I was six years old. Our classroom had to get up on stage and sing Christmas songs for our annual Christmas pageant. I was so scared that I started nervously giggling (instead of singing) and snot came running out of my nose. (I had a cold). That upset me and embarrassed me so much that I then peed my pants. Obviously, after that, I was not enthusiastic about getting on stage in front of a lot of people.

Everyone at the Banquet was dressed very nicely. The women wore long beautiful gowns and the men wore fancy suits. Those of us on the committee wore men's flannel shirts under old worn out denim overall bibs carrying pitchforks and brooms. Our faces were adorned with freckles and we women wore our hair in “pigtails.” We looked just like we were suppose to look; hillbillies from the backwoods of the Ozarks.

We all got up on the stage to do our respective skits. One of my skits included my partner and I moving up and down by bending our knees (like they did in Hee Haw) and singing. Of course, par to course for me, I got confused by the up and down movement and singing our song at the same time, that I forgot part of our song. I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. I wanted to run to the restroom and hide for the rest of the evening.

Because I was the head of the Banquet, I had to go through the evening as if nothing happened.

(At least I didn't pee my pants).

 

The New Miss Marilyn Monroe

Since we are dreaming today for Daily Post: The Show Must Go On I have chosen to act and to be the new Miss Marilyn Monroe.

My idiot producer just came into my dressing room and screamed at me, “Be out there in five minutes and DO SEXY!”

Flippantly, I answered, “Sorry bud, I don't do sexy!”

His anger was burning red hot in his face.

“Like I said, be on the stage in five minutes and BE SEXY!” He growled.

Continuing to put on my make-up and without turning to look at him I retorted, “NO! I am NOT going to BE sexy!”

“What the hell Marilyn?! That is what you were hired for, to DO and BE sexy!”

This is when I turned to stare him right in the face, “To HELL with you Bob. You hired me to be ME. GOT THAT?! ME ME ME!”

I turned back to the mirror to finish my makeup while Bob sat down on the couch,

“Marilyn, that is what your legacy is, it is SEXY! The show will be ruined if you don't do SEXY!”

Once again, I stopped putting on my makeup, “Bob, you know how my life ended. I took a fistful of pills and KILLED MYSELF! Are you wanting me to do that again?”

He put his face into his hands, “No, of course not. I just WANT YOU TO BE SEXY!”

“Nope.” I answered, “I will not be what you want me to be.”

“Why?” He asked with obvious frustration, “You don't drink anymore. You don't take your pills anymore. NOW you don't do sexy? Why for Heaven's sake?”

“Because I want to live. I get ONE CHANCE for a do over, and this is my chance to change what happened to me. I am changing! I have changed!”

Sounding defeated, Bob replied, “Well Marilyn. The show must go on.”

Bob left the dressing room with his head down and slowly walked out on the stage and announced to the audience, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to the New Miss Marilyn Monroe.”

I walked out onto stage and the entire theatre stood up clapping and whistling. I had a nice peach colored gown on. It was slightly fitting to my body, but wasn't considered “sexy.” I still had the audience. They still loved me. I was so happy. What was even better, Bob was too.

The play, “The New Miss Marilyn Monroe,” was a hit. The audience loved me! They loved a girl from a hick town that doesn't get up in front of them and shake her “girls.” I was finally being treated with respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, something I didn't have in my previous life and it felt good. It felt DAMN GOOD!

But that was forty-five years ago. As I look at my reflection in my mirror, I see a beautiful woman that doesn't look a day over thirty. My acting days are over. All I want to do now is to spend time with my husband and family. Today, my grandchildren are here and my husband and I are taking them to the zoo.

As I hurry down the stairs, I see my precious grandchildren and my loving husband. I am so thankful, so very thankful to have been given another chance. My maid, Maria, has prepared a nice breakfast and it smells delicious. I hear the children as they coming running toward me with my husband in tow,

“Grandmother! Grandmother!”

“Hello my precious little cherubs!

Suddenly, Richard (my husband) yelled out, “CUT! THAT'S A WRAP!”

It had been a long day of shooting and I was very glad the day was over. My husband, the producer, walked over to me and planted a kiss on my cheek. Through the corner of my eye I saw a movement coming toward me. I turned to see and it was Marilyn Monroe. She walked up to me and grabbed my hands, “You were wonderful playing me!”

I was shocked! I didn't know she was even here. As I gasped, I managed to ask, “Marilyn, I didn't know you were here.” I felt so small compared to this big name celebrity.

“My husband and family were up in the loft watching the take.”

About that time a handsome man, about her age, and two small children walked up to join her.

I shook her husband's hand and introduced myself.

“Sure, I know who you are. Marilyn has been talking about how wonderful your acting is.”

My husband gave me a squeeze.

Marilyn introduced us to her two young grandchildren, Isabella and Christian. She and her husband both said their goodbyes to us and then took the hands of Isabella and Christian saying to them, “Let's have breakfast and take off for the zoo.”

Still in shock, I looked at my husband, “She doesn't look a day over thirty!”


(Photographs from Pinterest).

 

Learning a Lesson at Walmart

After being snow bound for three days in my home from the heavy snow and ice that hit our area, I needed to get out of the house. I really needed to get out of the house. I thought if I didn't, I was going to start climbing the walls. Since I needed to replenish a few groceries, I decided to take a walk to the nearby Walmart.

The weather had turned beautiful. The sun was shining and the snow that was left was glistening from the sun dancing on top of the white fluffy flakes. I enjoyed the beauty for the short time it will stay. “Snow is beautiful”, I thought, “but it sure makes a mess when it melts.” Just as I thought that, a newer green car passed me splasing some of the mess from the puddles onto my clothes. “Serves me right,” I thought, “I should have just said “snow is beautiful and leave it at that.”

The walk was short because Walmart is only three blocks from me. I took my list out of my pocket and scanned over it again. “Milk, bananas and avocados.”

The parking lot was full of cars. “Oh no, this is going to be awful. There is so many people in Walmart right now,” I said aloud to myself.

As soon as I entered the door carts full of groceries with half crazy people came rushing at me. “They're using the ENTER door as an EXIT door,” I thought. I was slightly annoyed about it because they almost hit me. As I moved farther into Walmart I realized that it was packed with people and I was horrified because I don't have much patience.

I moved over to the produce and just as I was putting a bunch of bananas into my basket, I saw an elderly woman barely able to walk, pushing a grocery cart. Along side of her was an elderly man that appeared to be in slightly better shape. I heard him say,

“Darlin, should we get some bananas?” He said sweetly to the elderly woman.

“Yes honey, pick us up a nice big bunch of bananas and make sure they aren't too ripe.”

I moved over to the section where the avocados were and put five into a plastic sack and tied the top of it.

The elderly man and woman moved slowly down the produce isle. “Honey, we need some potatoes.” The elderly man picked up a small bag of potatoes and set them in their basket.

Then it struck me, the love and respect they showed one another and how well they worked together. As she was shuffling down the isle, he had his left hand on her shoulder, as if comforting and guiding her through their grocery shopping. Then I heard her say,

“Get us a bag of carrots and a bag of celery.”

Then I watched as he quickly moved over to the celery and carrots and picked up a bag of each and went back to the elderly woman and placed them in their basket.

I moved away from them quickly to get to the section where the milk was. I grabbed a gallon of 1% milk and placed it in my basket. As soon as I set it down, it occurred to me I needed some canned tomatoes to make chili. I briskly walked to canned goods isle and ran into the elderly man and woman. (Actually, I didn't run into them, they were on that isle).

“Honey, get us two cans each, corn, green beans, and spinich.” The look in her eyes told me she was exhausted and in pain. The elderly man picked up the items two by two and placed them in their basket.

He turned to me and asked, “Would you mind going and getting us a loaf of whole wheat bread?” I said, “Certainly.” He further told me, “My wife has cancer and she wanted to get out of the house so badly and asked if she could come to the store with me, but I'm afraid she has already done more than she should.”

I quickly went to the bread isle and picked up a loaf of whole wheat bread. I placed it in their basket. They both thanked me and left toward the cashiers.

The lines were long at all the cashiers. I noticed the elderly couple in line with several customers in front of them. Directly in front of them was a child sitting in the child's seat of the basket. I overheard the child say,

“You are old.”

The elderly woman and man just smiled. Then the elderly woman said, “Sweetie, it took me a long time to get this way and I am proud of it.”

The child's mother turned around with a look of exasperation on her face, “I am so very sorry. Please forgive my child.”

The old man wrapped his arms around his wife and smiled, “It's quite okay. Don't worry about it.” Both of them looked at one another with such love and tendernesss, I felt tears coming to my eyes.

I walked home from Walmart that day realizing that this was one time that I didn't get upset about Walmart being so crowded. Then I realized, today, I was thinking about someone other than myself.

Daily Prompt: Group Think