Yesterday evening, one of my good friends called and asked me to come get her and her two dogs so she could stay the night at my house. Apparently, something happened in the middle of the night, the night before it scared her to death and she was afraid to spend the night alone. (Her home is in the backyard of her daughter's house). I was a little taken aback because it was 7:00 pm and I was settled in for the evening.
Having her stay at my house was no problem, I do have an extra bedroom and bed. Allowing her two bring her two large dogs was a bit more of a problem. I have two dogs myself and they don't easily share with dogs they don't know. But of course, I told her yes.
I called another friend of ours and she offered to go pick her and her dogs up in her van which would be easier for her dogs. I was relieved for her offer. After about a 45 minutes she brought our friend to my home. Our friend was crying, saying she even thought about killing herself. It was truly very sad.
Our dogs were growling at each other that evening. (My large dog wasn't too happy about having to share his space, plus he is old and grouch), but fortunately, they didn't get into a fight.
My friend is in early stages of Alzheimer's, which is very sad in itself. Her fear was very real, no matter if it was from something that really happened, or something that occurs from the disease itself.
We had dinner, talked, watched television, and talked some more, until it was time to go to bed.
The next morning she said she had slept much better because she felt safe. Then she started asking me to help her make something up that she could tell her daughter about coming over to my house to spend the night. (I know that she is afraid of her daughter, not because she is mean, but because her daughter has taken control of all of her finances since her husband died, 6 months ago). She really wants to get out from the control of her daughter. However, with the illness she has, that isn't possible for her. But how do you tell someone they need to be under someone's care because they are losing their mind?
I talked to her, explaining that I felt she needed to be open and honest with her daughter. They needed to work out anything that is causing distress to her and could only do that by honest communication. I asked her if she would like me to go with her to talk to her. She said, “Yes.” Then I thought of our friend that went to pick her up because she personally knows our friend's daughter. I asked her, “Would you rather Angie goes with you to talk to your daughter?” And she readily agreed to that because she knows that Angie and Kim know each other well.
Angie, our friend that went to pick her up the evening before, came and picked her up to take her back home and speak to her daughter. The three of them talked and worked out any problems and fears that our friend had. Thankfully, she is now settled comfortably at her own home.
About an hour after my friend left to go home, there was a knock at my door. I answered the door and it was a woman that use to live directly across the street but recently has moved. I could tell she wanted me to ask her in and I did. She sat down at the table and started telling me about a fight that she and her daughter had. Then she began sobbing and sobbing and telling me she just wanted to die because her daughter is so mean to her. This woman is learning disabled and has had a very rough life. Approximately 10 months ago, her mother passed away and a month later her father passed away. She had been living with them and helping them. Her sister lived right next door. Both properties belonged to their father. The brother who lives a state away is the estate executor, told them they had to pay the house payment, which they couldn't afford, in order to continue living there. They were not able to do so, so they had to move.They each have one daughter, who are still living with them. (Her and her sister). My sobbing friend has two very young grandchildren, whom she adores and does most of the raising of these children. She loves them dearly and watches over them like a mother hen.
I sat and talked with her for several hours. I made her lunch and talked to her about her daughter and grandchildren. Her daughter does say terribly mean and nasty things to her, in front of the children. I explained to her what she should say to her daughter when she talks to her disrespectfully, and not to allow it. She was afraid her daughter would not let her see the children again if she tried to take up for herself. (Her daughter was using that as a means of manipulating her). I tried to explain to her how not to allow her daughter to use the children as a manipulation tool. I explained to her that her daughter needs her more than she needs her daughter. By the time she left, she was much happier and stronger. I knew that she would be okay.
This was my crazy day (and night). I am so thankful it is over and that everything worked out well for my friends, after all.
Sometimes, we just need a friend.
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