In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Happy Happy Joy Joy.”
The last time I cried tears of joy? Frankly, I don’t usually cry tears of joy, with the exception of the birth of my children. Those tears came each time I held my beautiful and healthy new baby in my arms. They were tears of joy mixed with tears of relief (the painful labor was over) and the wonderful result was lying in my arms.
I do remember crying tears of joy and relief when I realized the severe depression and paranoia I had been suffering with for years had finally lifted and I could, in fact, feel joy again. My depression had slowly consumed me. It felt as though I was in a pit and suddenly the bottom fell out.
I will never take feeling joy for granted. Not after what I went through. For a very long time I felt that I would never smile again, much less feel joy again.
Many people do not realize that those who suffer severe depression do not have the control to shut it off at their own will. It consumes you and takes control. It does not allow you to “just turn it off.” Particularly if it is caused by a chemical imbalance. In order to overcome it, it takes an enormous amount of work and the correct medication. I believe doctors have become better trained for mental illness and chemical imbalances and that medications have evolved to produce much more satisfying results than they did in years past.
This post is suppose to be about joy and not depression. But, how do you know what joy feels like if you do not also know the pain of sadness?
I can safely say, without a doubt, that true joy is priceless.
To each person reading this, I wish you a very Happy New Year and I wish you the best of everything wonderful.
Peace, Love, JOY and Hugs
Step Right Up….
Each Saturday I am introducing a few WordPress bloggers that I enjoy following, viewing and/or reading their posts. Some of these bloggers are not new to WordPress, while others are new or are fairly new to this WordPress blogosphere. If you are not already familiar with these blogs, please check them out:
Colleen, the Chatter Master, is the author of the “Chatterblog.” Her blog is about, well, a little of everything — whatever is on her mind or in her heart. Please check out this recent post: The Things that Matter Always Do
Cat, is the author of the blog, “My Travels with Depression.” Cat struggles with depression, PTSD and related Agoraphobia and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and brings us into his inner thoughts regarding his weekly group therapy sessions. His generous honesty helps others understand these, often, debilitating illnesses. Check out Cat’s recent post: “Therapy – The Christmas Break.”
Amanda (Mandi) is the author of the blog, “Mandibelle16”. She describes her blog as “thoughts, expressions, and articles.” She is an aspiring writer and photographer. Check out her post, “Christmas Cheer.”
Caroline, is the author of the blog, “Beautiful Life with Cancer.” Caroline shares her daily life with her family among other things that come to her heart and mind. Please check out her heartwarming poem, “Staring at my Family.”
Elizabeth authors the blog, “Tea and Paper.” She shares her world with words and gorgeous photographs. Please check out her post, “Here’s What’s on Top of my Christmas Tree What’s on Yours?”
Dreamer Girl whose “dreams are bright as city lights”, authors the blog, “Dreamer Girl.” She aspires to be a writer of poetry and short stories. Check out her poem, “The Invisible Sea.”
A fairly new blog in our WordPress Blogging world is the blog, “In Pursuit of Rainbow.” Check out her post, “The Chaos Theory”:
Kaygy is an aspiring (and humble) writer and poet. She is the author of the blog, “Randoms by a Random.” Check out her lovely poem, “Here’s to Friendship.”
If you enjoy photography blogs, take a peek at, “Gray Days and Coffee.” Her post features beautiful photos. Check out her photography post: “Raindrops on Pinecones and Fences and Bushes…”
Do you like trees? So does Carrie, (the tree hugger), author of the blog, “The Shady Tree.” Check out her post of her favorite trees for 2014:
And last, but not least, is Ady, author of the blog, roundWorldnMe. Check out her post, “Dreams of an Amateur.”
Normally, I will introduce five blogs that I enjoy reading, viewing, and following each Saturday. I doubled up this week because of the holidays.
“Some” of the blogs I introduced are new or fairly new bloggers and I hope you will help to support and encourage them as their blogs evolve in this blogosphere family of WordPress. I certainly am grateful for each of you that read, comment and follow my blog.
Happy New Year: 2015! I wish each and everyone of you the most wonderful year ahead.
You Can Make It Anywhere
If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere,” goes the famous song about New York City. Is there a place — a city, a school, a company — about which you think (or thought) the same? Tell us why, and if you ever tried to prove that claim. ~ Daily Post
There was a time in my life when I became swallowed by severe depression. Each day I remember thinking, if I can get through this hour, maybe I can get through the next hour, and maybe, I can get through this day.
There were days when I felt I had taken one step forward and two steps back. There were days I didn't think I could make it through the hour much less the entire day.
The suffering experienced by severe depression is immeasurable. The pain is just as real and painful as physical pain, maybe even worse.
In my opinion, this is the reason there is so much suicide in our world today. From my own experience, I believe it is because of this pain. The very act is the desperation to escape it.
Did I think of suicide? Sadly, yes. I too wanted to escape the pain that had seized me in it's consuming and hideous grasp. Pain that wouldn't allow me peace. Pain that seemingly wanted only to destroy me.
With perseverance, I finally made it through it. I had finally climbed that difficult mountain. I climbed it one minute at a time, one hour at a time, and one day at a time.
Anyone who can climb this mountain and make it to the top, can make it anywhere.
Today, I may not be perfect, but I am 90% better than I was.
If you have severe depression, or even, depression, please, don't give up. Don't ever give up.
The Secret About Me
I am very adept at putting “normal” on my face and hiding my real self from most people. However, sometimes anxiety strikes me and I become overwhelmed with whatever it is that I am feeling overwhelmed about.
Why am I this way? This is how I feel…
It feels like so many people during my life have taken so many chunks of me that I am continually morphing into less of a person – mostly because the very same people that have taken those pieces, harshly judge me, causing me to feel that I am less – not worthy – and broken.
It feels like these particular people who have “picked me to death” throw stones at me and with each stone which is thrown, it feels like I am becoming less and less.
Fear consumes me; fear of more painful rejection, fear of making mistakes, fear of being punished, fear of being abandoned, and fear of being lost. My fear is the child of low self esteem who was conceived from the actions and words of unkind people.
All my life I have had to become less so certain people in my life could become more. Because, to them, to become more was to take away from someone else. You know that type.
So I struggle. I struggle with anxiety. I struggle to rid my thoughts of those horrible memories and to fill my mind only with that which is kind, and good, and true, and beautiful.
I must forgive. I must forgive my attackers and I must forgive myself. I am working on it. Sometimes, it is just so hard. So damn hard.
Now that I have told you my secret… I’m not sure if I can hit “Publish” — because it is so much easier to hide.
One of Those Days
Sometimes it isn't easy to fight against all the negativity that has come our way in our lifetime. There are days that all that negativity in my life bans together to gang up on me. Today is one of those days.
Do you ever feel like all the harsh words and wrongful deeds ever done to you and all the mistakes that you have made in the past, are all tumbling down on top of you? It sure feels like that to me today. I keep hearing all these negative and hurtful things being said to me and seeing all the mistakes that I have made.
I REFUSE TO LISTEN TO THOSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!
Instead, I am allowing the sonshine to fill up my beautiful and tortured soul.
Picture from Pinterest. (Thank you Pinterest).
The Pain Behind Suicide
This morning I read the blog post of http://joynpain2.wordpress.com “Chronic Pain and Suicide,” and realized that both chronic pain and emotional pain can be equally devastatingly painful.
This past October, my beautiful niece decided to end her life. I know the emotional pain she was experiencing at that time caused her to be desperate to “get away from the pain.” This is what caused her to make the decision which she did.
I know this because I have been there. I know that horrible crushing and all consuming pain that severe depression can cause. I know that desperate feeling that you simply cannot bear the pain anymore.
I know what helped me through my extremely painful times was the love and support of a caring family member, my brother. I thank God for him every day.
With my niece, Allison, I did not know all the emotional stress she was under until after her death. What I did know however, is that there was an influence in her life that was extremely stressful. I did tell several family members that if this influence didn't change, she would kill herself. They didn't believe me. She lived in another state and I heard no more about her after that. I truly regret not doing more. “If only….”
I hope we all will familarize ourselves with the signs of depression and how we can help people in this state. I hope we will all be loving and caring support to the depressed person in our lives; whether they are depressed from emotional or from physical pain. I hope we don't say, “Oh, he/she isn't in my family, so I won't get involved.” Please; if you see someone suffering, get involved. Let someone know and then later, follow up. Don't drop the ball like I did.
No matter what type of pain we are in, emotional pain or physical pain, we need the love and support of others. We don't need harsh judgement, we need love, acceptance, and understanding.
Would any of us of have chosen to be in so much pain? No, of course not. But I can assure you, what we do want and need is the love and understanding from others. We need for someone to reach out their hand and say, “I will help you through this. It IS going to be okay.”
Suicide is not somewhere far away. Suicide is right inside our own homes, our own neighborhoods, our own cities and the suicide rate keeps growing and the suicidal age keeps dropping.
We are all very much needed in more ways than we may know.
(Picture is borrowed from Pinterest).
“Pity Party” Party Rules
Why is it that after a busy holiday season, Christmas and New Year's, there comes with it some sort of let down that puts me and a lot of other people into a depressive mood? Maybe because we are so tired, or because family has left, or there was no family there at all. Whatever, the reason, it is OKAY TO HAVE A PITY PARTY! Seriously! Who doesn't have one on occasions? So, I decided to post:
PITY PARTY PARTY RULES
1. Set a time limit. As for me, I set 15 minutes. I will tell myself that I can throw this pity party for 15 minutes. After the 15 minutes. ZAP IT! (Most of the time it works. Sometimes it doesn't. But it is always worth a try). Have a timer? Set it.
2. Invitation List: ME, MYSELF AND I. No one else is invited. (Private Party, Sorry).
3. Journal: It helps to write it out.
4. Entertainment: Sad songs or sad movies. If I let myself cry it out I always feel better. (I think it has some type of cleansing element to it).
5. Food: Chocolate! Lots of chocolate! (Or any food that makes you feel better – comfort food).
6. Psalms. Read Psalms from the Holy Bible. (It always helps me get out of a blues mood).
7. Enlightment: There is always someone that has it worse than you.
8. Service. Help someone else. It is a great way to feel better!
9. Call a friend. Sometimes we just simply need to vent.
10. Rest! Take a nap. (There is something healing about sleeping).
Well, my timer just went off. I think I will have another piece of chocolate!! 😀