My Dream Letter

Dear Potential Future Husband,

I know you are reading this at this moment and you are looking for me. I am the woman of your dreams. Just ask my ex-husband. On second thought… DON’T.

For your information I will NOT do these tasks:

– I will not pick up your dirty underwear off of the floor. Please be advised if you throw it on the floor it will stay there. Make sure when you throw your underwear that it doesn’t stick to the wall. This could be bad.

– I will not put the cap back on the toothpaste for you. Make sure you do this every time you brush your teeth. Oh, and while you are at it, clean the @$ sink! I will NOT clean the sink after you have shaved or brushed your teeth.

These will be your duties:

– Put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket and on Saturday, take the clothes out of the laundry basket and put them into the washing machine. After the washing is finished, you put the wet clothes in the dryer. When they are dry, you F-O-L-D them and put them where they belong.

– Cooking. When you get home from work in the evenings, you will cook our dinner and then clean the dishes after the meal.

– Saturdays are the days you will clean the house. Every inch of it. If you insist, I will get you a Swiffer Sweeper. Be sure to empty the dust out of the vacumn cleaner after you have used it. And when you do, please do NOT get the dust all over the place.

In return:

– I will be nice to you and treat you respectfully.

– I will give you an allowance from your paycheck.

– You can go out with the “boys” one night a month but you must be home by 11:00pm.

For those interested, please apply within.

(Do not ask about sex. THAT is NOT in this contract).

Google Image

For Blogging 101 we are suppose to write a letter to our “Dream Reader.”

This is my letter. Of course, it is all written in fun, so men, please don’t apply. Really!



73 thoughts on “My Dream Letter

  1. I LOVE your “contract” in advance lol Me thinks if more people would do this there would actually be more happy & better suited people in this world.

    Plus your choice of words made me laugh out loud and my hubbs as I read it outloud to him making him hysterically laugh as well πŸ˜‰ your a very funny lady! Please keep it up you have skills πŸ˜‰

    • Thank you! That is very kind of you to say. I had a “brain storm” and couldn’t NOT do it. LOL! Thank you for reading (and laughing) and thank your husband for me as well.

  2. That was funny — I especially like the note at the end. As if anyone would want the job you’ve outlined.

  3. Wow !! You made the assignment something entirely awesome πŸ™‚ I am still laughing πŸ™‚ My morning start’s great πŸ˜€

    • Thank you Jodi! I had fun with our assignment tonight. haha! I had a brainstorm and could NOT go with it. It is fun to learn new things and meet new people. I hope your week is going VERY well! ((Hugs!)) xo

  4. Oh I love this letter, really funny and great. What an interesting take on the assignment. I had no idea what to write, but now since I can’t borrow your idea, I might have to write it to an ex boy friend/husband. (Kinda sorta borrowing your idea) Great post.

  5. Hi Joy, I’m laughing now. But I’m afraid with this letter you don’t want a husband, we want scary them away from you. I love the allowance from his own paycheck.

  6. What a fun post! I initially thought, wow you’re braze, then I realized it was all in fun. I would love to see a follow up post from you titled, As a Your Potential Wife, to see what you would bring to the relationship.

  7. This is funny and interesting. It made my evening and left me smiling. I am surely gonna share this with my husband πŸ˜‰
    Thank you for sharing this and hitting the ‘publish’ button πŸ˜€

  8. Joy, you did make me laugh. The trouble is if we don’t tidy the dirty underwear it will only get mouldy under our noses and if the toothpaste cap is off and the sink is dirty, what happens when we want to use em? As for the cooking and cleaning….um…you are a hard task master… I take it you didn’t get many applicants!!! πŸ˜›

  9. That was absolutely, totally, incredibly, roll-on-the-floor-laughingly hilarious. (BAD ADVERBS! My 10th grade English teacher told me I could break the rules once I knew them. I’m taking her at her word.) πŸ™‚

  10. After 40 years of marriage, Connie still hasn’t gotten me trained to do all the things on your list. πŸ™‚ Of course, I’m about as competent as a four-year-old, so the poor girl doesn’t have much to work with.

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